[x]

deviantART

 
About Me Member dAmn Addict Aimée21/Female/Ireland Recent Activity Deviant for 4 Years
Not Subscribed
Statistics 243 Deviations
1,101 Comments
8,610 Pageviews

deviantID

A weakly emotion-driven yet vividly imaginative creature, born into the world unknowing yet with unceasing desire to know. Experiencing grief and awe intensely and equally, living in a near constant daydream or living nightmare. It's livid.



some custom jewellery & clothing for sale~ [link] !!!

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Northern Ireland
  • Interests: Creating Everything. Music, Guitar, Cannabis, Travel, Space, Reading
  • Favourite movie: Children of Men, The Big Lebowski, Waking Life, The Trip, Dead Man, Léon, K-PAX, Pi
  • Favourite band or musician: astraljazz.com/music.php
  • Favourite genre of music: Rock, Goa, Psytrance, Reggae, Dubstep, Drum n Bass, Metal, Punk, Stoner Rock, Industrial
  • Favourite artist: Gez Fry, Alex Pardee, Ralph Steadman, Sam Keith, Heironymous Bosch, HR Giger, Aya Kato
  • Favourite poet or writer: Isabel Losada, Hunter S. Thompson, Alex Garland, Clive Barker, Roald Dahl, Philip Pullman
  • Favourite style of art: Animation, Comics, Fantasy, Surrealism, Psychedelia, Dark, Futuristic, Vivid, Epic
  • Operating System: Mac OS X Tiger
  • MP3 player of choice: iPod Classic
  • Wallpaper of choice: Hubble Telescope Images usually
  • Favourite game: GTA, Tenchu, Silent Hill, Burnout, Devil May Cry, Altered Beast, Road Rash, Broken Sword
  • Favourite cartoon character: The Maxx, Cow & Chicken, Hinoto, Meatwad, Spike Spiegel, Count Duckula, Zero Girl
  • Tools of the Trade: iMac g4 17", Photoshop CS, TOOYA Slim Graphics Tablet and Psychoactive Substances
http://www.astraljazz.com

fuck

Sun Jun 7, 2009, 3:38 PM
I haven't been drawing lately... barely picked up my pencil. I did try to draw the salvia dimension I experienced a couple of weeks ago, but it pretty much sucks.

Where has my motivation gone? I've gone through certain fucked up events recently that should by all rights be giving me serious amounts of creativity and desire for outlet of different emotions. But they aren't. I always kind of thought that emotional distress and hopelessness was like a fuel for my art, but for some reason it's not like that anymore. I was doing more when I was happier.

Well.. I've been making things, but mostly because I need money and I want to sell them. I've had some ideas for drawings.... but haven't actively started any. Maybe it's because I've been spending little time at home, always trying to escape my self somehow, or try to force myself into this other life that I really don't fit into, because I can't face what ever the fuck it is that's inside me. Leaving this building is no escape. There is none.

I was going to say that it makes me feel like drawing really isn't what I'm supposed to do, or my strongest point, like I've always been afraid of. I always wished I could be as good as all the artists I admired, be the best and show the world exactly what I have in my head. But now I'm thinking maybe that's bullshit and I just need to accept that I cannot escape this and maybe if I stopped running and picked up my pencil and ACTUALLY worked on expressing what is inside of me... then I'd be happier. Happier with my work too.

But I am so scared of drawing sometimes. I think about it and my stomach churns. The only reason I can think of why is probably because I am so fucking scared to face what I've been through and what will happen when I put that into my work. Scared that I'll have to think about what happened, which I've been trying my hardest not to (and usually failing). Scared to let it go and move on. Most of the time I don't even want to forget, I want to hold onto it forever because if I let it go, I'll really have nothing left of someone who meant an indescribable amount to me. But I know that forgetting is all I can do, because I'm too weak and too insane to even remain their friend. And too selfish to ever stop wanting what I can never have.

And even though I've been spending less time at home, things between my mum and I keep getting more tense. She's threatening to kick me out. So, I guess I'd better try to do as much drawing as possible before everything really does get thrown into madness.

This turned into introspective blegh. I just thought somehow it was appropriate.. to add some kinda narrative to my lack of art...

  • Mood: Hungry

deviantART Notice

[x]

Comments


thanks for the fave<3
no probs thanks for yours, and for watching! :)

--
~i left ruin behind me when i returned, but i also carried ruin with me
Hidden by Owner
Do you? you couldnt take what was inside me, how could you tolerate anyone enough to love them? You certainly cant tolerate me so how dare you ever claim that you loved me? I was man enough to admit you were right, tell you I am hurting and try to make amends with you because it's the goddamn right thing to do, and how mature was your response? Make childish comments on my deviantart. Maybe you'd be a more truly loving person if you stopped being a drug addict and grow up. Don't preach to me what you dont represent.
Hidden by Owner
I got your text message. Part of me wants to but the rest is screaming don't do it.... I'm scared. Scared of what it'll be like to experience your company after all this. I don't want to have a public break down. But I do want to talk face to face.... I've always wanted to, because it sucks trying to curb my emotion on this thing.

I think I just need some time. I'll let you know.

--
~i left ruin behind me when i returned, but i also carried ruin with me
Hidden by Owner
ps - you wouldn't know the right thing to do if it slapped you in the fucking face, lol you absolute melter

--
~i left ruin behind me when i returned, but i also carried ruin with me
Hidden by Owner
Bryan, LEAVE ME ALONE. Being honest and making amends is one thing but telling me things I don't need to know and that will hurt me is the only childish thing that happened today. I got angry because you're being a fucking asshole and you won't stop. I'm blocking you from this and I'll be looking into blocking your mobile number so that I won't receive anymore of your fucked up and unnecessary texts, which I've asked you to stop sending. Told you I need to cut off contact but you won't stop! I don't know what love is, but I sure as fuck know what it isn't. Don't YOU dare begrudge me for being childish or an addict, you know you are these things yourself. You are the biggest living representation of a contradiction that I have ever known, and you've destroyed me. Go and make amends with someone who has time for your head games. And my mum wants her drill back.

--
~i left ruin behind me when i returned, but i also carried ruin with me
very interesting clothes!
I´d like to see more^^

--
And how can we win When fools can be kings? Don't waste your time Or time will waste you! -MUSE-
Thanks! I've been more in jewellery-making mode lately, but I've had a few ideas for clothes too. Probably won't be long til I get some stuff done.

--
~i left ruin behind me when i returned, but i also carried ruin with me
Hey you, thank you very much for the fav, glad you like it!

--
Als kunst volmaakt is, dan is de wereld overbodig.
No problem :) 'tis awesome!

--
~i left ruin behind me when i returned, but i also carried ruin with me

Site Map